


Married To The Paw

by woodpusher



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Catwoman (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Selina Kyle is Catwoman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:08:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24192607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodpusher/pseuds/woodpusher
Summary: This is the story of the reception for the Kyle-Wayne wedding.  It could probably use some better description.Catwoman leads Bruce a little further to the dark side, plus there's a new backstory for Harvey Dent.I wanted a character who blamed himself for each of Gotham City's major villains.
Relationships: Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Married To The Paw

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ava_jamison](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ava_jamison/gifts).



It was the wedding of the century: Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle. The reception was  
even better, aboard Bruce's ship the S.S. Gotham Neptune. The happy couple greeted the guests. 

Among them was Colonel Wilhelm Klink.[1] Bruce had known Colonel Klink for some time. Klink  
had been the commander of a German prisoner of war camp during World War II. After the war,  
pointing to his flawless record of no successful escapes, he convinced NATO intelligence  
that he would be a valuable agent for them. Bruce was careful to not blow Colonel Klink's cover, or reveal that Klink had once been a Nazi. 

Next of course came Colonel Robert Hogan, United States Air Force. He had started his  
career in the U.S. Army Air Corps, but switched over to the Air Force when it broke apart from  
the Army after World War II. He would train special forces in the art of escaping, while  
Colonel Klink would try to stop him. "Colonel Hogan," Selina says in a voice soft enough that others don't overhear, "Rumor has it you ran an espionage/sabotage operation out of a German POW camp." 

"Heh, heh, heh: There's all sorts of crazy rumors out there," said Hogan. 

"Ma Parker tried something similar at the Gotham State Pen [1a] some years ago. The Catwoman was a high profile inmate at the time. Batman foiled it though. Louie the Lilac folded like a cheap suit."

"It sounds like the warden wasn't as smart as Colonel Klink." 

"But you did meet your future wife there. How are you, Hilda? It's hard to believe that you weren't dating on the sly." 

"Well, that was against regulations. It would have been like,,,," 

Both Colonel Hogan and Hilda fumbled for words. 

"Like Batman dating Catwoman....on the sly?" asked Selina. 

They all laughed, but for different reasons. 

After that came J. Pauline Spaghetti [3], the pasta queen. "Pauline, thanks for coming!" "Oh, I wouldn't miss this for the world," she says. "Now your husbands were also named Spaghetti?" "Oh yes, I made them get their names legally changed." "I thought about that with Bruce, but the Wayne name is on so many things in Gotham."

Next in line was Mayor Zorty and his wife. Zorty had served as vice mayor for many years  
under Mayor Linseed. "Oh those earrings are just gorgeous!" said Selina, "and that necklace, and that fur coat!""

"Why thank you," said Mrs. Zorty.

Then came Harvey Dent, District Attorney for Gotham City, and his wife Gilda. "Harvey, Gilda," thanks for coming," said the Waynes.

"Keep up the good work on the parole board, Bruce." said Harvey. "You and the board keep letting them out, I keep putting them back in."

"Yes, well, we try to ensure that convicts have reformed, we sometimes get it wrong."

Next came Rex King and his wife along with his brother Basil and his wife. Rex owned the Ace Chemical Company, right next to the Monarch Playing Card Company. The ship just happened to be passing by Ace Chemical Factory. "Bruce, I shudder every time I pass by here. If only I hadn't hired that - whatshisname - who fell into that vat of acid at Basil's card factory, Gotham City might have been spared a whole lot of misery."

Then came Principal Schoolfield [4] and his wife. "Basil, Rex: pardon me for over-hearing your conversation with Bruce and his new bride. There's plenty of blame to go around for Gotham City's miseries. Many years ago, I expelled Edward Nygma for cheating on a puzzle contest. He never graduated and went on to a life of crime."

Mrs. Schoolfield responded, "I was the director of the Department of Child Services for many years. I handled many cases over the years. There was this one case I sent to Miss Kitty's Home For Wayward Girls....somehow the records were destroyed, but rumor has it that that little girl turned into Catwoman." 

"You can't hit a home run on every trip to the plate," said Selina.

Tim Tyler and Peter Savage [5] were next, along with their wives. "Home runs?"  
asked Tyler.  
"As in my baseball team?" 

"I was speaking metaphorically," said Selina.

"Yes, of course, Peter and I were saying that it might have been best to let that crazy Mr. Cobblepot and Mr. Eliot go on thinking that their ancestors founded Gotham City. Instead, we slapped them in the face with reality and we got the Penguin and Hush."

Then came the Indian. "Chief," are you happy with the current lease  
arrangement? Payment is due soon isn't it?"

"Yes, indeed, 12 raccoon skins per year."

Then came Red and Rosetta Stone, owners of the Rosetta Stone Company, manufacturers of cornerstones, curbstones, cobblestones and milestones. "Thanks for coming," said the happy couple. 

The party continued, and Alfred announced over the loudspeaker that the Neptune would be  
making its final trip around Gotham City Harbor. Founders Island, then Spaghetti Island, then  
Phony Island, and finally Short Island [6]. Guests got off and wished the happy couple their best. 

The ship headed back to the north Gotham dock, not too far from Stately Wayne Manor. 

After a few minutes, Dick told Bruce, "Selina's gone!"  
"What?"  
"Maybe check below in the quarters;" she might have gone to bed or something.  
"Yes, I'll do that."  
A few minutes later, Bruce returned, "You're right, Dick, she's gone. We know she  
was on the ship when we said good night to the Mayor and his wife back at Short Island."  
"Yes, and she was admiring Mrs. Zorty's jewelry, no?"  
"Yes, she was."  
They had extra costumes aboard the Neptune, and put wet suits on top of their costumes.  
When they arrived close to the North Gotham dock, they left the Neptune by an escape hatch,  
and swam to the Batboat. They got out, removed their wet suits, and sped to Short Island.

Meanwhile, the mayor and his wife were just returning home. They climbed the stairs and  
went to their bedroom. Suddenly the lights went out. "Surely you didn't forget to pay the  
electric bill, Max?"  
"No, honey, I didn't."  
Catwoman had pulled the electric meter, thereby cutting the power and disabling the security system. She then cut a hole in a window with her catclaws. Mayor Zorty fumbled around for a flashlight, a cigarette lighter, or a match. She replaced the meter. The lights  
came back on. "I suppose it's nothing," said the mayor.  
After a minute, Catwoman surprised the Zortys. "Hold it right there, Mrs. Zorty," said a soft but firm voice. It was Catwoman.  
"You wicked woman!" said the Mayor.  
"Hand over that jewelry, Mrs. Zorty. It's not much of a haul so why don't you give  
me that fur coat, too?"  
"I will not!"  
"Suit yourself," said Catwoman. "But I've got catatonic in my gun."  
Mayor Zorty tells his wife, "You better do as she says. Put the jewelry in the coat  
pockets  
and give it to her."  
She does exactly that.  
"That's better. I suggest you keep this encounter to yourself. It's bad luck to  
cross a black cat's path."  
"Excuse me?"  
"You heard me."  
Catwoman backed out of the room with her gun pointed at the mayor and his wife.  
As she headed down the steps, the mayor gave chase. She shot him with a dart of  
catatonic,  
and he instantly fell asleep.  
A few minutes later, Batman and Robin arrived, and revived the mayor.  
"Catwoman was here tonight," he said. "She took my wife's jewelry and her  
fur coat."  
"I think I can track her down," said Batman.  
"Good. We need to put her behind bars, for good."  
"Well, even with a 20 year sentence, most criminals are out in a few weeks one way  
or another."  
"Hmm...maybe we can look at the parole board membership."  
"Alas, Mayor, there's a lot of horse trading that goes on. You vote to let my guy  
out, I'llvote to let your guy out."  
"I see. Yes, city council is run much the same way."  
Batman and Robin take a cab back to the Short Island Pier. Across the entrance, it said,  
"Take a long walk off a Short Pier." They took the Batboat back to North Gotham Dock.  
The Batcycle and a sidecar just happened to be there and they drove home.

Naturally, Selina was there. "Selina, did you steal from the mayor's wife?"  
"Yes, Bruce, I did."  
"We're going to have to figure out how to return it."  
"What?"  
"Return it?"  
"Yes, return it."  
"Bruce, Mayor Zorty has worked in public service his entire life. There is no way  
he could afford to live in a mansion like that on a mayor's salary, and a vice-mayor's salary before that. Why don't you have HIM arrested?"  
"What?"  
"Happy wife, happy life," said Selina.  
"Hmm...good point. I'll make some inquiries with some of the city contractors." 

The next day, Bruce Wayne called Rex and Rosetta Stone. They confirmed that in order to get city contracts, they had to donate to the mayor's reelection campaign and pay a bribe under the table. They dismissed it as a cost of doing business.  
Basil King had to do something similar to get the contract to supply Gotham City's new casino.

The next day, Batman, Robin, Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara were there. Harvey  
Dent enters, and asks them, "The Mayor is wanting to know if there are any breaks in the  
case. He says you thought you could track down Catwoman."  
"Yes, but there is something more serious."  
"What?"  
"Mayor Zorty has been soliciting bribes from nearly all of the city's contractors."  
"Well, I suppose, but..."  
"But nothing. I've got some reports..Rex and Rosetta Stone are willing to testify; so is Basil King.."  
Harvey takes a look at the reports. "Yes, this is serious."

The day after that, Mayor Zorty comes into Commissioner Gordon's office. Chief O'Hara  
and Harvey Dent are there.  
"Are there any breaks in the case?" the Mayor asks.  
"Yes, we have to...arrest you," says Harvey.  
"What?"  
"For bribery."  
"What?? Dent, you two-faced traitor!!!"

The case went to trial soon after, and Zorty was convicted, and sent to prison. His new cellmate was none other than Sal Maroni. On his first night behind bars, he laid awake, wondering. The rest of the cell block was asleep, but he heard a prison guard walking up. Dressed in a long sleeved khaki outfit, she stopped at his cell, turned her back to him, took off her hat, removed her dark glasses, unbuttoned the outfit, exposing a dark unitard. She then put on a pair of catclaw gloves, then turned around and looked at him. "It's bad luck to let a black cat cross your path," she said. 

"Catwoman!" He screams, much to the annoyance of his cell block. By the time anyone else is awake, she is long gone.

**Author's Note:**

> [1] It's The Way You Play The Game  
> [1a] The Greatest Mother of Them All / Ma Parker  
> [1b] Milton Berle was in the episode but not identified as Louie the Lilac.  
> [2] In real life, Bob Crane did marry Sigrid Valdis.  
> [3] The Sandman Cometh/The Catwoman Goeth  
> [4] The Joker Goes To School  
> [5] An Egg Grows in Gotham / The Yegg Foes in Gotham  
> [6] Batman (1966): The Movie


End file.
